Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
