I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
