I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
