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• (970): View more from Colorado

  i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

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• (909): View more from California

  I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment

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• (315): View more from New York

  Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How

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• (315): View more from New York

  Don't Richard Nixon her vagina

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...

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