do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
