booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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