Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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