so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
