it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
