You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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