Is it normal to miss your booty call?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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