He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tell me about the eggs
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