That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
