Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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