Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So vagazzling was a success
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