He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize