It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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