guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
