Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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