Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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