if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
