should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
