how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
