i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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