Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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