I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
