He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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