I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
