my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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