I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
