I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
