I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize