So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
