I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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