I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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