Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
