Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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