Christians are straight up FREAKS
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
