"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
