people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
