his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
