2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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