i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
