Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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