somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
