So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
