It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
