Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
