When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
