Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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