All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
