mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Plan B is the new Plan A
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
