Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
