Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
