Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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