i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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