So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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