conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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