I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
