she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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