I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
