why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
