I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
