dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
