chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
