he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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