Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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