i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
