Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
