is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
