so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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