I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
