I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize