I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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