I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
