why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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