Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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